Comng Up For Air!

A couple of friends of mine gave me a caretaker intervention!  Actually, they had been concerned for a period of time and expressed some major concern over how I was adapting to my husband's continuing failing health and my less than stellar performance in coping (in my mind) and taking care of my needs.  Truthfully, I really lost sight of the bigger picture as my focus was narrowed pretty much with what his immediate  needs and care were.  How was I supposed to look ahead, when every time I tentatively planned on something, he ended up back in the hospital, or he was too ill to leave alone?  I'm jumping up and down screaming for help inside, but and no one is listening, because I'm telling myself I can do this.   I've found how alone many people and abandoned there are in the health care system, as we don't fit the criteria of meeting assistance qualifications and are not aware of help; or I had assumed, and been told erroneously, that he did not qualify for.  So, I muddled along as best WE could. 

Like many of us who fit the criteria of an aging population many of us find ourselves trying to cope without support.  That can be from a lack of immediate surviving family, distance, separation due to everyone coping with their own lives and circumstances and sometimes an unwillingness to reach out for help for whatever reasons - pride, not wanting to be dependent, or the fear of losing independence.   I''ve found that for general support from institutions you have to be aggressive because many times no one seems to care if you are struggling and need help.  I've only been asked once from a hospital patient rep who came to his room if anyone was available and left a brochure that wasn't really all that helpful.  It suggested services, but no contact info and many have to have a physicians referral and the all important insurance - so some require some steep fees.

 I started with our local agency on aging and social services and got some great contact information and have gradually built a support system, but it would be a heck of a lot easier if I hadn't had to do everything piecemeal.  The VA was absolutely no help, as was to be expected.  I've been trying to deal with them for 20 years when he first had a stroke and he has yet to be seen or processed.  We muddle along. 

Thank goodness we have some good folks who check in and make sure we are coping!